It really is! 😉
I have had a little read tonight on posts gone by, and this time last year I was most upset with who I was keeping company with! No one in particular, it was just some experiences with the whole debacle of trying to keep one foot in this world and one foot in the other. The living 2 lives, that I so often feel that I am being pulled in different directions.
The one where I have to pretend that flouncing around is where I want to be at, and not actually flopping on the couch.
It would be remiss of me not to mention that of course last year, I was in a different place. I was still reeling from the wonderment of Danger’s surgery that had been such a success. To acknowledge this correctly, I have to really consider what changed that day. I also changed that day, I really did. (sorry to make it about me, when it’s about him, but there is a connection that I just can’t seem to break!)
And now a year later, and I can truly say that I am in now another place, a cross roads even, where if I dare to, I can allow myself to think about how to make things even greater for us.
And I think I have found the answer!
To say NO and to push back a bit.
I think for so long I have been pulled this way and that way, when deep down Mikey has shown me all along that he was going to be ok. That it was just all the white noise telling me that I should be questioning it.
But it’s not that at all.
Mikey doesn’t fit into a box, and never will.
I will do my damndest while I’m here to give him the experiences he so desires, just like any other child. To help him create that pathway for him into his adulthood.
It’s going to be one hell of a ride, it already has been!
2019 is about letting that white noise wash over me, and finding the truth within myself. It is very hard to do at times, it’s almost like a meditation, it takes practice to shield yourself from all the would’ve, should’ve, could’ve’s that get thrown at us on a daily basis.
Just for the record, there has been no golden key or special way, that Mikey has recovered and pushed forward with his recovery. The most important thing to me was to have him back home with his sisters, doing what we all do – going to school, hanging out on the weekends at the beach, park or home and just being a kid. We have been extremely fortunate that complications didn’t arise that needed him to be in hospital any longer than he had to be (2 weeks!).
After 6 weeks, he was back at school, and at 8 weeks back on a horse. At 6 months, we got him a 4 wheeled motorbike to help with his toilet training. The connection has been amazing and we have seen with our own eyes, the progress he’s made since his surgery.
It’s certainly not orthodox, but then again neither is the surgery!
I do have a great teacher in front of me, and how fortunate that I am learning from him to really not only to think outside the box, but also to live outside the box.